The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind of traveling,
paperwork, home studies, paperwork, getting healthy, paperwork, 10hrs of
adoption training, paperwork, fundraisers, paperwork, visiting with friends
& family, paperwork, building community relationships, paperwork, then BAM,
two+ feet of snow to stop us in our tracks.
Thank goodness. We needed some time to reflect...
There are a lot of things going on in these minds but mine keeps
going back to one subject that was brought to our attention during our training
a week or so ago; Multiracial Adoption.
Something they said, hit me really hard: "the (white)
majority doesn’t think anything is racist; the (Black) minority thinks
everything is racist..."
Really?!
I'm still not completely sure how I feel about this statement, a delicate subject, but a reality to many. I would be ignorant to not give it some thought and
look for some guidance given I'm about to bring a minority into a majority
household.
We don't see color when thinking of this baby girl, so you could
imagine my shock. Perhaps we do see colors...but they're all lovely red and
pink hearts and colorful rainbows! Black and White never entered the
equation. All we see is a little girl
who will have needs, wants, and soon enough, hopes & dreams of her own.
As we continued through the training there were of course more bold
statements to ponder and solidify my fear...You may be surprised to find that there was a certain sense of
entitlement that you were not even aware of until it is suddenly in question.
Me?! Entitled? Because I am white...?!
This particular choice to adopt brings issues that before have been
out there, right inside your home and right inside your relationships. If your
child is black, or Hispanic, or Asian, or Middle Eastern, you may find it
brings some very uncomfortable issues and drops them squarely in your lap, up
close and personal.
Boy howdy, I'm trembling....
Whether you consciously signed on for it or not, you may now find
yourself called on to be one of those courageous people breaking down that big
wall.
Little ole me? How? My friends and family are all white -- I live
in Central Oregon for goodness sakes -- the whitest of the white. Where will I find mentors? How will I advocate?
How will we expose little Haile to children of her own color so she doesn't
feel alone? Do I really need to...?? Because I.DON’T.SEE.COLOR!! <stomping
my feet>
And 1 Samuel 16:7 says..."The Lord does not look at the
things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord
looks at the heart.”
Isn't that true? I believe
it. My husband believes it. How could anyone
not believe it?!
Will she still feel alone? In a house full of love? How is it
possible that she may only see White?! How will I learn the right response when
someone looks at our family and little Haile notices a question in their eye or
a feeling of nonacceptance?
It's on my heart & stuck in my head! Never did we think we would have to deal with
discrimination against our precious daughter. I'm not worried about the
many things parents worry about...providing for her, getting up at night,
having a loving & supporting husband, working through bonding, trusting
& attachment issues after adoption or any of those BIG things! <stomping
my feet> I know and feel confident we have the resources & support to
work through these things. But the first time someone raises their eyebrow to
our family because our little girl is not our same color I’m contemplating how
to tame my inner red-head!
I know its all fear and in time it will dissipate. I'm just scared I won't have the proper
reaction. It's been made clear that no
reaction is not an action! This isn't
something you can ignore like your 3 year olds tantrum. You must address it so
little Haile knows she is accepted, loved and valued no matter her skin color. This is her identity. Silence is agreement.
I try to reflect and have confidence in having dealt with similar issues through step parenting, but all seem minor compared to this. You know...
Working with little girls whose families are broken by divorce isn't easy but
you can relate, and you try hard to show they are accepted and not abnormal.
It's easy to show examples when you're surrounded by blended families
being the divorce rate these days. Sad but true. But we're not dealing with
issues of color here.
Families who look at us think Brandon's girls are mine. It's interesting however...I'm always quick
to correct them; “they are my "step
daughters”. Thinking I’m honoring them
and their own mother. Maybe I'm already making a colossal mistake on their
identity and making them feel different. Good grief. I need to stop
thinking about all of this. It just keeps getting deeper and deeper...
Please pray
for wisdom and peace in my heart and mind.
It's messy.
xo - Angela
Our backyard. Beautiful. Not messy.
